I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dignity is for republicans.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
