how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
