We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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