i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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