One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
