my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
