Do you still have your period?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize