just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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