My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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