I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
