Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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