Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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