I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
