I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
