Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
