READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
