bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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