actually, I'm a sock model
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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