i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
