Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
