You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize