I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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