Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
