fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
