You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
