shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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