He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
