let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
