Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
