i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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