Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wanna go halves on a baby?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
