you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i need some magic done to my vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize