Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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