I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
