Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
