every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
