can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
don't judge my taste in strippers
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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