So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
