My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
