You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
