There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
