And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
