I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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