We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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