good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
