she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
