I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
