I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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