I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
