Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
