My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
