If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
