oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
