I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
