do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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