Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
