I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
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