I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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