Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
