So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize