I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
