6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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