You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
