Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
