perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
