Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
