Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I bet he comes in French.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
