Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
