It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize